Starting

05; 5/18
Here I start on yet another beginning, on yet another writing space, and on yet another grappling effort. Though I’ve made concerted effort –and some real gain in that regard- to focus my writing to fewer spaces so that I don’t lose track of things, still I find myself starting new spaces to write in. Beginning this one I was somewhat miffed with myself for this, but even as the introduction began to flow I see the need and purpose, and now also, the “drive” for these new spaces. I’ll deal first with the rationalizations for seeking and trying these new spaces because that need is so prominent in my personality and would dog me if I did not get it explained (although, I’ve learned in recent years that I can satisfactorily keep my thoughts to myself rather than expounding unsought, unwelcome or unappreciated; but then what have I learned?; look where I’m writing).

It is in the structure of my personality type that I am very attuned to the many thoughts constantly running through my head, through my brain. I am also aware that the focus of my perception for thoughts is more forward than on history, my perception more intuitive than sensate. I know my approach to be an openness that welcomes possibility and potential; closure comes very hard. All of which means, of course, that I am one of those who likes to take in perception more than I like to get down to the doing of something with it. And all too often, the doing-something-with-it one time satisfies my existential hunger, and I’m on to the next item of interest from a distant horizon. This is not unlike Toad of Toad Hall who became obsessed with having a motorcar. So, as I see these aspects of myself come through in the efforts I make I feel both affirmed in what I know of myself, and true to type. Combined, these make for some immediate satisfaction that offsets the self-directed “miffed”.

Still, I know too that simply being true to type will not save me from –actually, may imperil me to- being stretched too thin, too scattered. And those conditions work against being productive, which of course is what most Americans are acculturated to believe they must be. And so I’m in a constant mode of organizing to stay focused, and miffed when I take on more than I can do with. Such is my concern about these new writing places and spaces.

Another aspect of the personality structural issue that concerns me is that I’m an avowed Introvert, and satisfied as such. I would demur the likely Freudian assessment to the preferred Jungian notion that the personality structure includes the potential –even, need- for opposites of one’s preferences that lie in wait within the Unconscious for their time to unfold. And when that time comes, those unconscious elements of the personality begin to bud toward blossoms. Well then, perhaps Extraverting in such a safe public space is not a bad beginning.

Finally, there is one more aspect of concern. It comes I believe, out of a philosophical orientation; skepticism. I have found these places in the digital netherworld that provide free space for anyone to “write”. Free? I have a difficulty believing in “free”, but that belief conjures up a whole other discussion for another time. In the here-and-now, let’s assume that it costs money for someone to buy and maintain the servers that host these spaces for us to use at our discretion. I know that Microsoft was very successful giving away things like Hotmail, as others have done since. But those services are vehicles of revenue-bearing advertisements placed were people are likely to come and stay awhile. I have difficulty believing that personal blogs are an enticement for ad-buyers. But then, well, maybe. And I do see that several of these places offer an “upgraded” service for a subscription fee, so maybe the free offers are lures. But what really concerns me is that someone–me?- might spend the personal investment of time and mental energy blogging away only to find it all gone one day when some entrepreneur has been unable to pay the bill for equipment and maintenance. At least to this concern there is a solution: draft to your own hard drive, and post to the blog. So be it.

Now the reason I found and engaged with these sites at all is that over the past three years following retirement I have been pursuing (a word that allows a lot of latitude) an interest in writing. As I took to the Net to find possibilities of information, instruction and support, I came across several sites that serve those purposes. Those sites, and general awareness (reading and hearing about blogs) led me to these blogging sites. Once there (here), of course the next question is, so what?

In short, what I have just determined to do is use these spaces, (“Later” at http://www.livejournal.com/users/pdlefebvre/ and, “Writing About” at http://typeon.blogspot.com/ ) as both a personal journal and as “publication” space for the writing of my interest. Risks understood; good will anticipated. Just that bit of acquiescence. The journal will clarify itself. The writing I’m interested in is my summation in essay genre of personality, and philosophy. Both very broad as stated here; my task will be to focus and articulate, and see if I have anything whatsoever to add. Perhaps, in the end, I simply satisfy that oft-stated imperative, “write for yourself.” Here goes.

Being a writer results from a number elements brought together including personality, interest, and opportunity. It includes the sense of “having something to say” and the desire to say it. Now, “being a writer” may also be a big “so what” if either what one has to say is trite, or no one else reads the work. It’s probably fair to say that by the mere effort of coalescing the elements and the sitting to do the job, that there is desire, and no doubt we could establish that there is “something to say”. But just what it is that one has to say may be a problem.

Trite does concern me. I read enough in this genre –the non-fiction essay- and pay enough attention to the biographies and interviews of noted literary artists to know that  so many of them talk of their experience with the “dry times”, the waste land of imagination, the absence of the muse. Nothing comes but the trite. Actually I find these encouraging, as I’m sure they are meant to be. For how different are we in our shared humanity? That is certainly not to deny the probability of genius amongst the crowd. And crowd it is; crowded, it is. Indeed one can be overwhelmed merely by the number of writers there are plying their craft. But we can take some solace in our numbers in that given there are so many of us, it is only reasonable that many of us would at any one time be in the wasteland of trite. But that being the situation from time to time, does not mean that that is where we are meant to be, or must be.

Enter the muse; welcome the muse, whatever your muse may be. Now the mere notion of a muse prepares us for a whole different path that we’ll mark for another place and time; such an interesting notion as it is. But for our purpose here, let us, especially at such times of commonplace, have the door ajar that inspiration might come in. Indeed, let us be mindful to wonder, where be that muse, that inspiration? I have read in a forum on one of these websites that there is no help for writing improvement except to just continue the practice of writing. That statement, posted on a forum was a response to a prior question about getting help on the Internet. Intuitively I wanted to object to that response. But as I considered it further, I found that the advice has at least two aspects: 1) in itself it belies its own statement, for it was a help; 2) it supports a notion put forward at some length by Daniel Dennett in his book, Consciousness Explained (1991), wherein he outlines his theory of Multiple Drafts.

Here I’ll end this bit of conversation to take up subsequently bits and pieces left astray here.